From “Worker Bee” to Queen Bee

You are, what you attract!

A few days ago, I said to my friend “Big Sis” (SHANNON) I feel like I am evolving and entering a different stage of life. Sort of like a “Worker Bee” evolving into a “Queen Bee” …she laughed of course but in someway I just felt it on a spiritual level. 

Hard to put into words, but It feels like I have a secret sauce! Like my spirit is my honey and it’s attracting nothing but blessings, people and good vibes. These past few months of 2019, have been ROUGH related to workload, and school yet still so beautiful and filled with many blessings. (Which I will share soon). Just trying to reconcile all of it, but for the first time in life I feel like I can claim my WINNING season.

So before I started my spiritual journey to SELF, I had no idea how I would measure success or know when I’ve arrived, but I think I am HERE. You know when someone calls you beautiful and it FEELS different. It’s when you are so sure of yourself and what you bring to the table that no one can make you question yourself. So much that you want everyone to feel this level of clarity. You just want to GIVE and HELP everyone begin and complete their own journey to self-worth and purpose . It’s like you climbed to the top of mount EVEREST and just ready to reach down and pull people up with you. 

So let’s look back for a moment……..

For the record I've worked incredibly hard to get to where I am spiritually, physically, financially, intellectually and professionally. Late nights, early mornings, long days and a lot of time spent alone just listening to the universe.  It's so easy to see the highlights or end results of someones journey without understanding what they did or had to sacrifice to get there.

Three years ago, I remember sitting in my dark room hiding from my family, drowned in my tears, my fears  and trauma. For someone who has always been perceived to be “So Sure” or have “AN ANSWER”, I had no clue who the hell I was or what my purpose was. It was like the tornado of life hit me so damn hard at 17, that by 23 I had no idea who I was or where I stood. I was clearly alive, yet my spirit was buried under all the debris. I needed to uncover myself. 

For the first Time I was able to Hear my own thoughts.

So here’s some internal truth for anyone who needs to hear it...

Man I've been played, betrayed, broke, unsure, and just beaten down to my core. Shit at one point it was physical..but I’ll leave that there lol....I was knocked down so hard I can still  feel the GROUND. I spent so much time in survival mode I had no idea what to do when I was no longer just “surviving”

Sometimes I look back on some moments on my journey to womanhood and just wish I can give my younger Bonnie the sweetest hug and tell her. "Babygirl You did the absolute BEST with what you had, so job well done"

I spent 4 years surviving in college, trying to keep a grip on my siblings, PLEDGING lol, getting into law school, finding jobs and figuring out my transition from college to life. It was like the dust finally settled and for the first time I was able to hear my own thoughts, it was time to Heal and Recover.

So I still remember the moment  3 years ago looking in the mirror saying “Bonnie it’s time to Get it together” I made a promise to begin working on myself physically, spiritually and emotionally.  I spent 3 months completely distant from EVERYONE just working on my blog launch, applying to graduate school, and connecting with myself. I had no clue what my destination was but I promised myself to keep going and not look back until I arrive!

So 3 years later, here’s where I’m at and what I’ve learned about myself

bE SO INCREDIBLY aUTHENTIC, AND THE UNIVERSE WILL ATTRACT Exactly what you deserve!

Define your own Beauty - The meaning of word has transformed for me me! Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder and sparkles from your soul and spirit. Honestly I’ve been called pretty and beautiful my whole life, but now it means something completely different. I define beauty by energy, and spirit. Tell me my energy is beautiful then I’ll believe you. 

Forgiveness - In order to truly move past something you MUST forgive. Forgive people who have hurt you, the ones who did not appreciate you, those who weren’t  not ready for your magic. Most importantly forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for not knowing any better, not loving yourself like you should. Do not allow anyone or any past situation to have control over you or your destiny. LET IT GO, live and love accordingly.

Water your spirit - This looks different for everyone. Get comfortable with doing the things that water your soul, your energy and make you feel MOST balanced. Don’t ever explain or justify the things that feed your soul and energy. Play the song that makes you smile and dance. Shit sometimes play the song that makes you cry a river of tears! Call the person that makes you laugh until it hurts. Most importantly spend time with people who make you feel AUTHENTIC and pure! 

Connect with your body - Your soul and spirit lives in your body. In order to keep a clean mind and spirit take care of the home it lives in. Take care of your temple, keep it clean, and create a bond so strong that not a soul can get in between the time you spend with your temple.  “Pay you dues”

Toxicty - Let it all go! Identify the people or situations that do not fuel your purpose and spirit, then LET IT ALL GO. It is totally fine to know your worth and make choices on who is worthy of your time and energy.

Live Unapologetic-ally- I’m still working on this one. The type A in me makes it tough but getting there :-) . Don’t ever apologize for doing something that makes you happy and feel alive.

Listen - Be aware of the energy AROUND you. Listen to the energy and signs from the universe. Talk to the universe and ask for a sign if you need to, then DO NOT IGNORE IT! If you are ever feeling unsure or need some clarity, DO NOTHING and LISTEN to the universe. Avoid filling your life with NOISE for the sake of feeling like you are “important “ or have a “purpose. Just be quiet and Listen.

So here we are

While I can feel my spirit and energy evolving, I do know that I will continue to evolve, so my journey to self is never-ending. I have now reached a point where I am ready to share my light with the world!

For the past 3 years I've been distant physically and emotionally but have taken you all on this journey with me. During this time I worked on my health, career, emotions, my financial position, and family relationships. I read books that fed my soul, listened to music that fed my spirit. I cried about things that needed to be cried about. I laughed until it hurt and figured out the things and people that make me feel most alive.

So for the who are my legacy people and know Bonnie before “The Bee” Thanks for being so incredibly patient and loving me through this journey and lack of emotional availability.

For the people who met me along the way, I appreciate you and thank you for seeing my growth.

For those who I had to let go along the way, thanks for all your taught me and the sweet memories we shared. I have forgiven you and myself.

Thank you.

“When the flower Blossoms the Bee will Come”

-The Curly Bee-